I need a forum for people like me, who manage a website for sick people, share in the suffering and ARE NOT AFRAID to let other people really talk about what is going on with them.  So far, I haven't found one,  EXCEPT MY OWN!

Yesterday was bad, really bad.  I have become very frustrated with constantly being sick and it is becoming more and more difficult to put on a smile and suck it up.  I feel like NOONE really understands just how bad I feel, least of all those closest to me, including my doctors.  Everyone tends to minimize this condition in an effort to make me feel better and all that does is frustrate me more.  So, I tried to reach out again, on another forum and was "Gagged" by About.com's board!  I read the terms, understood that I could only list a url in my signiture and thought I did it right.  Then I got an email from the board's admin saying that she had edited my post because I included my own url in my signiture.  I thought I did it right.  I guess not.  So I will just stay here on my own forum, alone, since noone else visits it, and then I won't offend anyone by making the mistake of talking about the only thing I have in my life that is meaningful.  My own site.

Wanted!  A supportive forum for Fibromyalgia Webmasters!

I really try to abide by the rules of any board I visit.  I don't know how I keep messing up.  There is always a problem because I run my own website.  They don't like you mentioning that because it might take their members away, I guess.  I will ask this question again..."Do you really want to help people or not?????"  I ask this because it appears that all you want to do is to ensure that you  are their only source of support and information!  I feel like I am in middle school, for God's sakes. 

Maybe my mind is just too demented from the strokes to understand.  It is very difficult to join a community and talk about how FM is effecting my life without talking about the website; it's just too important not to and is the only contribution, I feel, that I make to this world anymore.  I am not running some huge money making site or I would not be sitting here with a bank balance that is embarrassing!  I poured my heart out in that post, all of the frustration, the anger, the hurt I feel, and this board moderator sends me an email that didn't mention any of the content of the message except the url being removed from my post!  Not a word.  If someone had left a msg like that on my board I would be concerned about their mental state and try to help them.  Her only concern was that I LEARN their rules and be made aware that my url had been removed from my post.

Wanted!  Support Forum for Fibromyalgia Webmasters!

So, I won't go back to that board and will just stay here, writing in my own forum, site and blog where I know I won't break any rules and where I CAN talk about the site, because it is part of me.  I guess I just don't fit in anywhere else.  They are all more concerned with other things and I have a mission to help people.  I will just stay at Mission Beach South where I belong. 

Enough of that.  Healthwise, other things are going on...I have had nightmares for the past two nights and haven't slept well.   The dreams have left me with a bad feeling when I woke up and I spend the whole day trying to shake the mood.  (Yesterday, I wasn't successful in doing that at all and it stuck with me all day!)  These dreams are not "scary" in nature; they merely seem to point out the areas of my life that have passed beyond my control and emphasize the parts that are wrong to the extent of being ridiculous.  

I have tried to work on the site for three days now and can't seem to concentrate well enough to accomplish anything.  I will try again today and hopefully I will get something meaningful added.  Each day that passes where I don't work on it, I feel as though I have let someone down who is searching for help.  I just feel so driven to help prevent any other person from ending up like I have.  I suppose that is the reason I tried to wake people up with the posts I left yesterday at About.com's board.  These people on these msg boards "play at" being all supportive with their little poems and minimization of this disease and have no clue as to how it will destroy a person's life!  They needed a wake up call and they hung up on me instead.  I tried.

Well, that is enough for today.  It's time to get moving and try to suck it up yet another day.  So, my attempt to reach out failed again, I will live, I guess.  Like I said, they are too busy with their little rules and poems to realize the truth.  I can't change them.  I can only do my best here and try to rise to the occasion of helping people when I too, need help.  Being a webmaster is lonely and there isn't really a place for us to go because we don't play well with others I guess.  LOL!  

Visit The Ultimate Fibromyalgia Resource Center if you or someone you know has FM.  Everyone is welcome and so are all the resource urls that can be found to help provide information about this disease! 

Thanks for reading...Tammy Elaine